Indira...

Indira...

This name has a different identity in India! But my Indira is not interested in politics or society too. She is in her own world, figuring out her own life and is trying to create something beautiful for herself.

Since her childhood, she has been this strange girl who deep inside always felt disconnected to her surroundings. 'Identity' & 'Self' these words have troubled her than every other issue of her life. I mean, who does not have problems with life? We all do right?

But not knowing what she exactly wants, used to make her feel lost and inferior, so that is precisely what she thought of herself throughout her puberty and even after that!

By the way, why are we talking about her past?

Part One:

Here she is, sitting in a lavish garden near her rented house and going through the whole last week that she spent with a boy wondering why is she feeling something which she never thought she would ever feel, and that too so soon!

Indira is in her late 20s and has recently met a boy who is not at all in any way similar to what she was looking for, but still, she can not stop thinking about him!

She knows there is no scope for marriage and long-lasting bond in this relation! And honestly, she is not sure if she really wants somebody for that long period of time!

“ What to do?”

“Shall I keep meeting him?”

“But is it really going to last?”

“ But do I really seek long-lasting relations?”

“ No, but this one is different than other boys! His smile is sooooooooo cute !!!”

“But his palms are not at all good”

“ God I can't imagine myself getting old with him.”

“But I do not mind waking up having him by my side.”

“ Shit Shit Shit”

“I am in a deep Shit”!

“Why Am I so Confuse?”

“I need a mirror, I need to see myself, and I will get the answers.”

“ NO, I do not want to face myself right now.”

“ Okay okay indu, chill, breath.”

What is making you so anxious!

He does not even go close to your expectations!

“ What if I get involved, and he does not?”

Fuck! That will be the filthiest emotional shit.”

STOP.

Do not = meet the person! Do not even talk to him, do not waste your time on it Indu”, she said to herself!

Part Two (After a couple of weeks)

These weeks have been full of mental and emotional up-downs! She has tried her best not to think of him and hello, NO DAY DREAMING AT ALL!

“ Indu, you need to know what exactly YOU want & forget about expectations, and ‘supposed to’ things!” She told her self one morning!

This thought was a real breather for her! A few more days passed, and now she is sitting in her favorite cafe, enjoying every sip of the dark black coffee, flaunting her new haircut and tattoo!

She took her diary out! ( days are changing, so it is actually a mobile app where daily stuff can be written)

She took one more small sip of the coffee, let it spread all over the tongue and felt it going down the throat. Now she was ready to hit the conclusion-

“Okay, the truth has to be accepted no matter what! As my past is gone and I really do not even want to look back at it!

Dating and marriage will be very demanding, and I am really not ready at present for what so ever reasons!”

And going by gut feelings, this is not the right time either!

But one more fact is, I want to have someone with me!

" But what if I get involved and get off track and fall in love! And that too one-sided! No, not again !"

God, I am 29!

What the hell is going on!

Looking at my financial status, I am nowhere!

Rich boys give me a complex!

Okay! Let's call Mandar at night and talk to him."

Part three

Indu calls him!

"Hello," says Mandar!

"Hi, Actually I need to talk to you about something!" explains Indu.

" Sure, I am always ready," says Mandar!

This is even more irritating for Indira somehow, as she does not want somebody who is ALWAYS THERE for her!
Somewhere she thinks such kind of people are either fake or having nothing else to do in life or they are too much giving!

But she shook these thoughts off and started talking to Mandar to whom she calls by his surname 'Kulkarni'!

"Kulkarni, I need to share something which has been bothering me a lot for many days now! I can't look at you as my future significant other! But at present, I want somebody to be with too! At times I feel lonely, and I want somebody to hang out with, who will not be possessive, interfering and at the same time.....

Kulkarni, you are getting me right ??

How to say yar, I want somebody ...

"somebody?" asked Mandar who is now a bit perplexed and somewhere is enjoying her confusion too!

"Somebody like...nothing....the point is, would you like to be that person?"

"I will respect your space, you respect mine! Done??"

Mandar is still trying to understand where the story is flowing and what Indira exactly trying to say and most of all WHY?

But he decides not to say anything at the moment and simply shows his agreement!

" I am.fine with this," he says!

"Thanks, good night," says Indu and cut the call!

"Why I could not say anything after that fucking 'somebody' word? Somebody like whom? Somebody like Kulkarni ??"

shhh....enough for the day

Let's go back to the sleep!